It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
the day after is always just damage control
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
