I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
