I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
