Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
