i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
