i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
