remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
