if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
