she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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