the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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