I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
