Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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