So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
