I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
