I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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