Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
