took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
There are leaves in my underwear?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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