A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
