at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
