i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
