I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
