you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
