But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
