Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
