Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
