sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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