Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
