I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Mom said you looked used
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
