I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
