I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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