u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
