you have to choose: penises or morals?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm experimenting with sincerity
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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