I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
