im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
