I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
