Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
