i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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