Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
