Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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