i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize