I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
