do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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