I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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