..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
