One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
