Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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