My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
