I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
