he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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