I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
