i don't like sucking hair
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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