just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She just used a chaser for red wine.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
