She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
