apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
We named our party play list daddy issues
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
