I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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