I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
