why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
