im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
