I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
