her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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