After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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