Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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