What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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