Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
