I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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